January 21, 2019

I have one up on the President-elect

Around the big top


We always refer to the President of the United States of America as “the most powerful person in the world.”

While they may know the nuclear codes and be privy to information I’ll never lay eyes on (nor do I want to), I still got one on President-elect Obama — I still have my BlackBerry.

Maybe you aren’t down with tech lingo or exactly tech savvy so let me give you a quick rundown of what a BlackBerry offers.

First, you get an easy to use Internet browser. True you have to pay for the service, but it’s included in the phone bill and I can attest that it’s much faster than dial-up (not quite as fast as a cable connection). So now, while Obama is sitting in a waiting room or in the back of the new limo being provided to him, he will no longer be able to check sports scores, view e-mails, or even go on Web sites to read the latest smears about him.

Second, Obama will no longer be able to utilize the services of BlackBerry Messenger. This is an instant messaging service that connects you to other BlackBerry owners for free. It’s also convenient to use for sending pictures or other files. So if the new POTUS wants to send Sen. Reid a quick amendment he recommends the Senate add to a bill, he will have to find a new way to do it. Also, he won’t be able to send camera phone pics (of course a BlackBerry has a camera) of Sasha and Malia with their new puppy to Ted Kennedy.

On a side note, I have eight friends on my BlackBerry Messenger list, that’s more than anyone else I know.

Third, and most importantly, Barack will no longer be able to play BrickBreaker. This could be one of the most addicting activities ever. BrickBreaker gives a BlackBerry owner the chance to, literally, break bricks using a paddle and tiny gray ball. Players can also get magic pills that fall from struck bricks that, if caught with the paddle, supply additional lives, guns with three shots, lasers, the ability to catch the ball or wrap around the boundaries and make the paddle longer. Of course, one should remember when playing BrickBreaker that the flip pill should be avoided like the plague. It reverses the direction that you have to move the track ball (another cool feature of these phones) to go left or right.

I personally don’t think Obama should’ve had to give up his BlackBerry. I mean, everyone I know that owns one is a very important person. Why else would you own a phone with so many features?

In fact, upon election, I think all Presidents should have the latest one issued to them. That way, if a foreign leader wants to shrug off what the U.S. President says or thinks the President isn’t a legit guy, he can pull out his BlackBerry and make a call, send a text message or play BrickBreaker, instantly striking envy and fear into the cocky foreign leader, whose phone probably resembles the infamous Zack Morris cell.

So do the right thing, let the President-elect keep his phone!


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