September 2, 2014

Who needs Valentine’s Day?

Posted 2/10/10

If the key to Super Bowl ads is to make them memorable, I guess this Super Bowl succeeded.

Unfortunately, I remember the ads that I thought were dumb, not the ones I thought were amazing. There was one in particular that stuck out, and it goes by the name of the Dodge Charger ad.

For those who didn’t watch the Super Bowl or who might have missed the ad, the beginning starts off showing a man staring blankly at the camera. Throughout the ad, the faces of several different men appear, all wearing the same sad, muted expression on their faces. As each man’s face stays on the camera for several seconds, a male voice says things like, “I will say ‘yes’ when you want me to say ‘yes’,” “I will put the seat down” and “I will shave. I will clean the sink after I shave.”

Then, the music begins and you hear an engine revving. A black Dodge Charger races down the street, and the male voice says, “And because I do this, I will drive the car I want to drive.”

The ad ends by labeling the Charger as “Man’s Last Stand.”

If I interpreted the ad correctly, the Charger is an outlet for men to reclaim their manhood since women have taken that away from them. (I mean it’s so obvious that you lose some of your manliness when you’re civil to our mothers or take our phone calls, right?)

I could go into some long-winded feminist rant about the ad (and about a few ads that clearly objectify women), but I keep getting caught up in the fact that the car is a Charger.

I’ve always associated a Ford truck with “manliness,” so the Charger must be the car for the whipped man. (Hey, if men are going to stereotype women, I guess it’s only fair to stereotype right back.)

But what I really don’t understand is how these stereotypes of relationships with women form and how they are perpetuated for so long. Are there really that many women who make men behave in such a way that they’re like trained puppies? I hope that it’s just a small number of bad experiences that has allowed this to continue; I hope I’m not part of the minority.

Leaving the seat up doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t take that much energy for me to put it down. And what about when you have to constantly lift the seat up because we put it down? Having to both put it up and then return it to its original position gives you twice as much work, and I’m all about equality.

I don’t care if you shave. Actually, I would prefer that you not shave. Facial hair, for the most part, is always more attractive than being clean-shaven.

Please don’t tell me “yes” all the time just because you think that’s what I want. That would make for an extremely boring relationship.

Regardless of the areas in which I don’t fulfill the annoying girlfriend stereotype, I manage to do a really good job at being single.

I have spent a grand total of 21 months in relationships (spread out over four boyfriends), and eight months is the record to beat for the longest lasting relationship.

I have also never had a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day (which is just around the corner). I was really close one time back when I was 17. I broke up with one boyfriend the week before, and I started dating another guy just two weeks after the “big day.”

I have impeccable timing, so it’s a good thing that Valentine’s Day is one of those overrated holidays.

But maybe Valentine’s Day is the true culprit in the annoying “it’s time to be a man!” ads that were aired during the Super Bowl. I can understand men cowering in fear of having to impress the women in their lives, especially if their significant others only allow them to buy a Charger.

Maybe next year the women who watch the Super Bowl should take a stand and dominate more of the ad space:

“I will give you control of the remote when sports are on TV.”

“I will let you go to the bar to have time with your friends.”

“I will pretend that owning a Dodge Charger makes you more of a man.”

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